1. Recognize the pattern.

Let's be real.

You're not helping your coworker move because you enjoy lifting furniture on Saturdays. You're doing it because you're scared of being seen as selfish.

People-pleasing is just a fear of wearing a fancy costume.
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2. Understand your worth isn't determined by others.

Your value doesn't fluctuate based on:

- How much you do for others
- How many people approve of you
- How often you say yes
- How rarely you ask for help

Your worth was fixed at birth. No one can add to or subtract from it.
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3. Start disappointing people.

This sounds counterintuitive, but it's essential.

The fear of disappointing others keeps you trapped. The reality of disappointing others sets you free.

Start small. Say no to something minor. Trust me, the sun will still rise tomorrow.
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5. Stop explaining your decisions

"No" is a complete sentence.

When you over-explain, you:
- Signal that your decision is negotiable
- Invite arguments
- Undermine your own authority
- Give ammunition for manipulation

Your choices don't require justification.
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6. Start failing publicly

I once showed up to a presentation with my notes completely wrong. I admitted it, laughed and winged it.

Nobody died. Nobody even cared that much.

The Perfect You is boring. The Messy You is the one worth knowing.
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7. Develop a personal approval rating.

At the end of each day, ask yourself:

Did I honor my values?
Did I respect my boundaries?
Did I speak my truth?
Did I make choices aligned with my needs?

This is the only approval rating that matters.
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8. Feel the discomfort

The hardest part isn't knowing what to do - it's tolerating how it feels.

When you stop people-pleasing, you'll feel Guilty, Selfish, Anxious, Wrong.

These feelings aren't facts. They're withdrawal symptoms from approval addiction.
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9. Redefine kindness

True kindness comes from authentic choice, not fear or obligation.

People-pleasing harms everyone -

It depletes you
It creates resentment
It builds inauthentic relationships
It teaches others to take advantage

Real kindness requires boundaries.
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10. Accept the losses

Some relationships won't survive your transformation.

People who only love your compliance will leave when you develop a spine.

This isn't a tragedy. It's a filter that removes relationships that were conditional all along.
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Nice write up
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