Make I no lie, I just wanted to test the waters. I wasn't planning to do full yahoo. It started as cruise — just small Gmail and sweet mouth. I watched some TikTok videos, learned a few lines, and boom! I created a fake profile: one oyinbo woman wey say she be 43 but lonely. I even named her “Monica Darling.”
One day, as I dey the parlour dey chat with one mumu guy from Canada, I no know say I left the tab open. My mum came to clean the house, carried my laptop to wipe it and saw “Hello baby, I miss your chest hair” on the screen. She screamed, “Jesu! Oluwafemi, who is Monica and why is she missing chest hair?!”
I tried to explain. She didn’t let me talk. Before I could say “It’s just a format,” she had already unplugged the laptop, flung my earphones, and started praying in tongues.
“Holy Ghost fire! Every spirit of fraud, OUT! You will not use MTN data to enter EFCC cell!” I knelt down and begged. She called our pastor. Pastor came that evening and asked me to confess like it was a deliverance session. I just said, “Sir, it’s only one white man and he didn’t send money yet.” Pastor sighed like someone that just found out Nigeria didn’t qualify for World Cup.
Since that day, I dropped the Yahoo dream. The embarrassment was too much. Imagine explaining to your pastor that “Monica” is not real, and you don’t even know anyone named Monica.
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How My Mum Almost Beat Me Because Of Small Yahoo Format