Time Allowed: 1 Hour 30 Minutes
INSTRUCTIONS:
- Answer all questions.
- All questions carry equal marks.
- Show all necessary calculations where applicable.
SECTION A: APPLIED RELATIONOMETRY
Question 1:
1. You are a married man and have dated somebody's wife for two years, spending on her like
there's no tomorrow. Eventually, she drops you and focuses on her innocent husband. Calculate the
percentage of time wasted. (20 marks)
Answer:
Formula: (Time Invested - Time Benefited) / Time Invested * 100
= (2 - 0) / 2 * 100 = 100%
Final Answer: 100% time wasted. You deserve an honorary degree in poor decision-making.
Question 2:
2. You bought a phone for your friend's wife, but she gave it to her husband. Using trigonometric
identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. (20 marks)
Answer:
cos(Love Angle) = (Effort Spent - Effort Gained) / Maximum Outcome
= cos(180) = -1
You are in a 180-degree friend zone.
Question 3:
3. For Men: You're dating around 15 ladies, and each one is demanding a Samsung Galaxy and an
iPhone 6s.
(a) Plot a graph of detoothers against phone prices. (15 marks)
b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty. (5 marks)
(c) Plot the percentage of shame against the volume of apologies to your family members. (5 marks)
Answer:
(a) Cost = 15 * (30,000k + 30,000k) = 900,000k.
Graph is an exponential curve to bankruptcy.
(b) Expected poverty level = 99.9%.
(c) Shame level = k * (Apologies)^2.
Question 4:
4. You are WhatsApping and Facebooking other people's wives, yet you don't want to see your wife
on social networks. Calculate the percentage error in your thinking capacity. (20 marks)
Answer:
Error Percentage = (Contradictory Actions / Logical Actions) * 100
= (100 / 0) * 100 = Undefined.
Your logic is mathematically flawed.
Question 5:
5. You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, and your combined household income is less
than 10,000k. Your daughter is using an iPhone 6s and a Samsung Galaxy worth 30,000k each.
Calculate the percentage of your parental negligence. (20 marks)
Answer:
Negligence = (Child's Extravagance / Household Income) * 100
= (60,000 / 10,000) * 100 = 600%.
Question 6:
6. For Ladies: You're a married woman and have dated 20 guys with hard labor. Use the law of
diminishing returns to calculate the substance left for your husband to enjoy. (20 marks)
Answer:
Remaining Value = Initial Value / (1 + 0.1 * Partners)
= 100 / (1 + 0.1 * 20) = 33.3%.
Question 7:
7. You can't give your wife 2,000k for a pot of soup, but you spend over 5,000k in bars and
restaurants. Calculate the radius of your 'stupidity,' taking pi = 3.142. (20 marks)
Answer:
Formula: (Money Wasted - Money for Home) / pi
= (5,000 - 2,000) / 3.142 = 955.3.
Question 8:
8. You have been in the church and your fellowship for years, but your name is not in the book of life
due to secret sin. Calculate the years you will spend in hell. (30 marks)
Answer:
Years in Hell = Years in Church / Genuine Repentance
If Repentance = 0, then Years in Hell = Infinite.
Final Answer: Consider changing course.
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