Alright, let’s talk, not just to my ladies this evening, but to both my brothers and sisters.

There was a man here on Facebook who once sent me a message in my DM, asking me out and professing his love. I just laughed and moved on because I had already seen his comments under a post where he stated that women who leave their marriages due to domestic violence are simply not ready to make their marriages work. In that comment, he partially justified domestic violence, saying that our forefathers used to beat their wives, yet they stayed and grew old together. In my mind, I immediately concluded that he came from a home where his mother was physically abused by his father andd because his mother endured, every woman must.

The second time I saw his comment, he said that if he ever became wealthy, he would ensure he married more than five wives. He added that any wife who wanted to leave could leave, but he would make sure they wouldn’t be able to because they would be financially dependent on him. A man who plans to make his wife financially dependent so she has no choice but to endure his abuse is a man who will never support his wife’s dreams. He is the type of man who would stifle a woman’s growth and crush her spirit if she ever dared to become successful. I shook my head and felt truly sorry for the unfortunate woman who would end up with him. Take it from me, that woman is unfortunate.

When I ignored his message, I bet he didn’t even know that I already knew who he was before he approached me. He will probably never understand why I didn’t give him an audience. Maybe if he sees this post, he will finally get it, but that’s his problem.

Fast forward to this evening, while scrolling through TikTok, I came across a post by a woman who called off her wedding just two months before the big day. I went in to read her reason, and honestly, I would have done the same.

According to her, she saw a comment her fiancé had made under a viral post about a man who killed his wife because she didn’t prepare his meal. Her fiancé had openly supported the killer, saying that women don’t know their limits. At that moment, she realized she didn’t truly know the man she was about to say “yes” to for a lifetime. She immediately decided that it would be a wise choice to call off the wedding.

Right here on Facebook, we once read about a man who also called off his wedding after seeing a comment from his fiancée saying she would cheat on her husband for a certain amount of money. I can’t remember the exact figure, but that was enough for him to walk away.

I’ve always maintained that our social media activity is a part of our CV, sometimes, a huge part. Many of us now spend more time online than we do interacting with people in real life. While social media may not reveal everything about a person, it does give glimpses into their mindset, worldview, and values, which ultimately shape their attitudes and actions.

There are always signs if only we are observant and intentional while dating. I have blocked many people simply because I read their comments on blogs or posts and knew I never wanted them in my space. If you truly understand the mindset and ideology of certain people, you won’t even consider being friends with them, let alone making them a life partner.

So asa person in relationship, sometimes, test these people. Occasionally and intentionally, bring up a controversial topic to see their perspective. Go through their social media interactions, check the people they follow, and observe who they look up to as role models. How can you want to marry a woman whose role models are damaged women? How can you want to marry a man who idolizes broken, unhealed men who spend their lives discrediting women and justifying harm against them?

The Yoruba say, “Tojú bá fara balẹ̀ dáadáa, a rí imu”meaning, if the eyes are patient and observant enough, they will see the nose. No doubt, there are great pretenders, but when you start observing relationships beyond butterflies and start pressing the right buttons, you will begin to see the red flags in your potential partner. That awareness should guide your decision.

If you notice the signs, I hope you’re not so carried away by emotions that you lack the courage to walk away.

I’ve learned to distinguish between human weakness and wickedness. If your partner exhibits traits of wickedness, my dear, judge them accordingly and move on without looking back. There is a huge difference between weakness and wickedness, maybe I’ll write about that another day.

The two comments I referenced earlier were not signs of weakness; they were rooted in wickedness and a deeply damaged heart, something I cannot heal or help with. That’s between them and God.

Be courageous enough to walk away from any man or woman who shows even the slightest inclination toward wickedness. Don’t be one of those who gravitate toward their oppressors, only to end up suffering.

Marriage is a serious commitment, just like a business. The same way you meticulously search for loopholes when drafting a business plan is the same way you should scrutinize the person you’re about to spend the rest of your life with.

#Tadé
#iyawooga
#refinedlady

Source: https://www.facebook.com/100003578217893/posts/pfbid0BL6tyTBTKSHds9DQQ8DrseF3usAEA6JpTooifRhxiTwPkmEbkBtitBadbLZ5DxbHl/?app=fbl
1

Our forefathers used to beat their wives? 😂😂
That's shit bro! That total shit!
1

Exactly the way some men were supporting that Unizik student saying "The lecturer wasn't supposed to touch the lady. He could have just said 'excuse me' with his mouth" 😂😂😂

Some people are actually foolish despite being old 😂😂
1

That first man you talked about is mentally ill seriously 😂😂
Wft?!
1

😆😆😆
2