A secondary school geography teacher went
to drink at a beer parlour after school on
friday. His wife was at home waiting for
himto come back as usual. Past 4pm he's not
yet back, so the wife thought he is staying for
evening class. 8pm he is not yet back so the
wife became worried and alerted some
friends. They all went to the school to find
everywhere empty. They called theprincipal
and he said the man left for home
immediately after school. This made the wife
to become more worried. It's now 11pm so
they went and reported to the police who
joined in the search. At about 2:30pm, they
found the man sitting at a corner, awake and
not sleeping. They reached to him and asked
why hehas refused to come home. He called
them a bunch of illiterates..." you lack
knowledge in geography,.. since the earth
rotates with everything in it, I decided to sit
here and wait for my house"
1

I just Noticed that Life is too short to
commit suicide cuz In the year 2002 nokia
3310 was
N75k with N40k econet sim card,
but today its N700 and the sim is free..
In 2003 samsung c100 was N48k and I
must recharge with atleast N1500 airtime
every... two weeks or else my sim will be
blocked. today its N800 and I dont even
need to recharge to retain my sim
{customers are needed}...
In 2004 sendo x with camera and 16mb
memory card {one of the cheapest mp3
enabled phoneback den}was N39k today
its free...
In 2006 sagem my v55 was N30k today
its going for N300...
2008 nko blackberry bold 2
was N135k today blackberry is no more
producing new bold 2... so London used na
N15k.. U can get 9ja used for N6k...
So my friend, if u neva dey use blackberry
porch, htc smart phones, android, ipad,
iphone, playbook or nokia 808, pls, dnt
worry.
Just wait and see, coz before 2015 our
children will be using them as
toys....*smiles
#......Be Patient.
Dis makes me wonder why sum girls go
crazy simply coz of material tins.
U want a bold 5,
U want brazilian hair,
U want LV bag, but remember, Beatles was
d richest car in 1980'z.....THIN K!!!
See d kinda of depreciation it experienced
within short period.
BEAUTY FADES! WEALTH can also be
ERASED.
Jux work hard, Hav a good character and Be
loyal to ur feelings!!!,and lastly rem dos wit d
bests
cars 2day once wlkd on foot,calm down n
Give God ur
time,for only Him can mk............. ........
Time shall favour u.
Can i hear ur Amen??
1

New elemnt Added 2 the Periodic
Table
Name : wife
Symbol : wi
Atomic Weight : Don't Even Dare
2 Ask!
Physical Proprties :
Boils at Anytime,
Can Freeze at Anytime,
Melts if Handled with Love & Care,
Very Bitter if Mishandled.!
Chemical Proprties:
Very Reactive,
Highly Unstable,
Posses Strong Affinity 4 Gold,
Platinm, Clothes & Othr Precious
Items,
Money Reducing Agent,
Volatile when left Alone.
Occurance:
Mostly found in front of mirror
1

Akpos Girlfriend Found out that she was
pregnant. She called Akpos on the phone.
Girlfriend: Honey i miss my period.
Akpos: which of the subject?. MATHS OR
ENGLISH?.
2)Gf: Honey so you had another girlfriend. I
never knew you were a player.
Akpos: yes,i play for Barcelona.
3)Gf: baby i'm not feeling fine.
Akpos: oh! Sorry,have you taken your drugs?.
Gf: No, Just send me 500naira Mtn recharge
card, plz.
Akpos: Do you want to recharge your
sickness?.
1

One day Akpos and John were watching T.V
when the news came on, showing a man
standing on a bridge about to commit
suicide, suddenlyAkpos said "I'll bet N500 that
the guy won't jump off", John said I bet N500
that he will jump. Unfortunately for Akpos the
man jumped off the bridge, Akpos accepted
his fate and stretched forth the money but
John didn't take it, saying "I can't take the
money coz I cheated, I already saw the news
this morning" but Akpos insisted and said "no
you can take it, I cheated too, I also watched
the news this morning, I just didn't know the
guy will be stupid enough to jump again!"
1

IGBO TRADER WRITING WAEC EXAM: Ebuka told
his Oga at the shop to please wait at the gate
and pick him up after his WAEC Commerce
exam at the Commercial Secondary School
where he registered. He was given Commerce
Exam question paper and the only question
he could answer was question number 3 and
it says: "Differentiate between a Warehouse
and a Shop" (20marks) After much thinking
he smiled and wrote his answer as fast as he
could: Warehouse is at Ojota while Shop is at
Alaba market. Then he submitted his paper
and went to meet his Oga at the gate: OGA:
Ebuka, how far? How e be? EBUKA: E dey so
simple Oga. Question number three say make
we differentiate between a warehouse & a
shop. OGA: Ehen-ehen...Wet in U come write?
EBUKA: hmmm. I write say "warehouse dey
for Ojota & shop dey for Alaba. OGA: So na the
only thing wey U write be dat? EBUKA: Yes
Oga. OGA: Chinekemee!!! U dey craze
Common go back & put the phone numbers &
our complete address. Stupid boy! Na so dem
take dey get customers
1

A man was trying to show his 15 year old son
the danger in taking alcohol so he brought
earthworm and alcohol.
He poured the alcohol on the earth worm.
After a little while the worm dissolved and he
asked the child, "what lesson can you
learn from this?"
The boy replied, "when we take alcohol, we
won't have worms."
1

Akpors and Father at Graduation Ceremony
Akpors’ father accompanied
him to his school end-of-year
awards party.
As they sat watching amidst
loud ovations, the
beneficiaries were called to the podium for
their awards.
The following conversation
ensued:
Announcer: Best student in
sciences, the winner is Inem.
Father: (Applauds and eyes Akpors scornfully)
See correct
children!
Announcer: Best student in
commercial studies; the
winner is Ajoke.
Father: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) See correct
children.
Announcer: Best student in
Arts and the winner is Helen.
Father: (fuming with anger)
See correct children!!.
And so, all the awards were presented
without any going
to Akpors.
At the end of the event, they
left and went to the car park
but as his dad got ready to
start the car, the engine refused to respond.
He opened the bonnet and
touched a few things but his
efforts did not yield any
response so they resorted to
pushing it. Just as they got to the exitof the
school, the
rickety car sparked up.
Exhausted and profusely
sweating, Akpors rested on
the gate just as his mates were
driving off with their parents in
Hummer, Jeep, Sequia,
Infinity, Escalade, Bentley,
Lincoln Navigator, Range
Rover and other exotic cars.
All of a sudden, Akpors burst into laughter.
His puzzled father
asked,’what’s so funny?’
Amidst teary eyes, Akpors
responded, ‘SEE CORRECT
FATHERS!’.
1

Teacher: who can make a sentence with the
word STRESS?
Mary: You are causing me
more STRESS
John: I hate STRESS
Akpos: Yesterday i saw our
teacher and our headmiSTRESS
making love in her office.
The Teacher fainted!
1

A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as
it comes home, it rushes & bleeps all the
153 hens... The farmer is impressed
thinking about the eggs the hens would
hatch. At lunch, the young energetic
rooster again screws all the 153 hens. The
farmer got tensed up now. Next day, he
finds the rooster bleeping the ducks & the
geese and parrot too which scared the
hell out of him. Later that day, the farmer
finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead &
vultures circling overhead. Farmer says "You
deserved it, you Hot little bastard! U
deserve this "The rooster opens one
eye,points up & says "Ssshhh. Let them
land, I've never bleeped a vulture in my
whole bleeping career".....
1

Akpos enters a barber shop. The barber
whispers to his customer:
BARBER: This is the dumbest boy in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a N50 note in one hand and
two N10 notes in the other,then calls the boy
and asks:
BARBER: Which do you want, boy?
Akpos takes the two N10 notes and leaves.
BARBER: What did I tell you? Akpos never
learns!
Minutes later, when the customer left, he sees
Akpos coming out of the ice cream store.
CUSTOMER: Akpos, May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the N10 notes instead of
the N50 note?
Akpos replied, "Because the day I take the fifty
naira note, the game is over!"
It's beta I collect N20 everyday.
1

A pastor added me on facebook
and I innocently accepted.
Two minutes later his msg came
in:.
Pastor: how are you?
Me: am fine my daddy.
Pastor: may the building of
heavenly favour collapse on your
head
Me: (no reply)
Pastor: may the thunder of
Blessing strike you and your
family.
Me: (no reply)
Pastor: are you there?
Me: yes my daddy
Pastor: you should be saying
amen to claim the Blesings.
Me: ok, May over speeding trailer
of blessings jam/crush you and
your family like a moving train,
faster than the speed of light in
Jesus name.
pastor: make God forgive ur mouth
1

A plane carrying politicians crashed into a
farm.
When the police arrived, they found out that
the farmerhad
already buried them.
The following conversation ensued :
POLICE : Are you sure they were dead ?.
FARMER : Yes, I'm very sure, though I heard
some screaming
"Help me! I'm still alive o!", but you know
these politicians,
they lie a lot!
1