Akpos decided to follow his friend Osas
on a hunting trip deep in the forest of
Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa. Akpos
has never gone hunting while Osas has
hunted all his life. When they got to the
middle of the forest, Osas told Akpos to sit by
a tree and not make a sound
while he checks out an antelope trail.
After he got about a quarter of a mile
away, Osas heard a blood-curling
scream which scared away nearby
antelope. He rushed back to Akpos and yelled;
"I think I tell you say make you
quiet?"
Akpos replied : "Shuo, I try o, I really try.
When green snake waka pass my leg I
nor shake body or make peem sound.
When gorilla come dey breath hot and smelly
smelly air for my face, I nor
shake body or make shekele sound. But
when two squirrel waka enter my
trouser leg, one come tell the other one
say, "Chei, see as this two palm kernels
big like coconut, we nor go fit chop dem
finish for here, so make we pluck
and carry dem go home", naim I come
start to halla.
1

Akpos was in a
business meeting
where other
moguls and wealthy
men were present. Rich
businessman Akpos
was looking for a way
to
oppress the other rich
men and show he was
the
richest.
He shouted for his
driver: Driver! Driverrrrr.
Come
here quickly!
John the driver came
quickly to his oga,
Akpos.
Akpos now seeing that
all eyes were on him
after
the way he shouted
loudly for his driver,
continued to talk loudly
to the driver:
"Driver, go to my house,
not the brown house o,
the white one. Not the
white one in Banana
Island
o, go to the white one in
Victoria Island. Not the
one on Adeola Odeku
street you hear, but the
one
on Etim Iyang Crescent.
Not any ofmy semi-
detached houses ie 22A
or 22B, but go straight
to
the 3 storey detached
house with swimming
pool,
CCTV, electric gate,
wifi, marble-finished
with all
rooms ensuite at No. 31.
Ehen! Now take this
remote control for the
large
black gate, press this
button and it will open.
When you enter, you will
see a blue 2013 Porsche
Cayenne okay.. Now
perpendicularly
opposite
that 2013 Porsche
Cayene is a silver 2013
Land
Rover LR4 Jeep, It is not
that one.
Trigonometrical
ly 35 degrees to the LR4
is the grey 2013 Lexus
V8,
It's not that one. This
2013 Lexus V8 is very
close
to a black Mercedes
Benz Gl 4matic. The
4matic
Benz is just behind a
Gold Coloured Chrysler
300c,
the Chrysler is beside
my Red Escalade ESV
which
is in front of my white
2013 Escalade EXT,
blocking
a Hummer H3T,
opposite a blue 2013
BMW M5.
Then make a u-turn by
the BMW and you will
see
three recently
purchased powerbikes
from the US
of A. Now take a
diagonal sharp turn to
the
extreme left and you
will one oldddd archaic
car, a
2012 white Prado jeep,
which I will soon throw
away. Just beside that
is my built-to-intern
ational-
specifi cation swimming
pool, opposite of which
is a wine red 2013 Prado
Altitude.Now you have
reached there.
Go to the boot of the
wine red 2013 Prado
Altitude,
open it, you will see red,
white and blue
briefcases.
The red one contains
dollars, $10 million. Don’t
touch it. The blue
contains Pounds, 8
million
pounds. Don’t touch it.
The white one contains
Naira, I arranged them
in hierarchical order -
1000s, 500s, 200s,
100s, 50s, 20s
denominations.
Don’t touch them. Now
near theseboxes, you
will
see a crocodile skin
Christian Louboutin
limited
edition wallet!
Check inside the
designer wallet and you
will see a
N10 note. Take that
N10 and buy me N5 pure
water and bring it here
promptly! I’m very
thirsty!
Buy very cold one o and
you better not forget to
bring my change!
1

AKPOS: Please, send an ambulance
fast! My friend just had an
accident. He's bleeding from the
nose and ears, and I think both of
his legs are broken!
OPERATOR: Where is your
location?
AKPOS: Gba--ja-bia--mi la Street.
OPERATOR: Please, spell the
Gbajabiamila.
[minutes of silence]
OPERATOR: Are you there?
[Still silent]
OPERATOR: Hey, mister! Are you
there!?
AKPOS: [Panting] Erm...Erm...so
sorry for the delay. I couldn't spell
Gbajabiamila. So, I've dragged him
to Oni street. Should I spell it
now?

1

Teacher - "We are the descendants of
Adam and Eve."
Akpors - "...Excuse me sir, but my dad
says
we are the decendants of ape."
Teacher - "We are not talking about ur family
here"

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