Here’s How It All Started… I’m not saying I’m a romantic genius, but when I planned this first date, I thought I had it all figured out: fancy restaurant, candlelit vibes, and me looking like the main character. The only problem? Life had other plans, and now I’ve been unofficially banned from that place. I can’t show my face there without hearing whispers of “That’s the guy.”
Here’s the chaotic breakdown of what went wrong. So you don’t make the same mistakes.
1. The Outfit Disaster: I Thought I Was Dripping, but I Was Actually Drowning You know that feeling when you’re trying to be fresh but end up looking like a rejected runway model? Yeah, that was me. I wore a white shirt I thought made me look sophisticated. Five minutes into the date, I leaned into my plate and… red wine spill, front and center. Suddenly, I was a walking canvas for wine art.
2. Ordering the “Special” Was My First Mistake The waiter recommended this chef’s special soup with a name so French, I felt bougie just saying it. One sip in, I realized it was seafood, and surprise: I’m allergic to shrimp. My throat didn’t close up completely, but I looked like a cartoon character struggling to breathe. My crush asked if I was okay, and I wheezed out, “Totally fine!”
3. When the Waiter’s Tray Became My Enemy While trying to act normal, the waiter tripped right next to our table, spilling a tray of spaghetti. Guess who caught it? Me. Not my hands, though—my pants. If my wine-stained shirt wasn’t embarrassing enough, I now had a literal spaghetti print on my thighs. My crush? She was crying… from laughing.
4. The Bathroom Break of Shame I excused myself to the bathroom to get my life together. Instead, I walked into the kitchen. Yes, you read that right. I froze mid-step while chefs stared at me like I was the health inspector. Someone yelled, “He’s back here again?!” Again?! They thought I was a repeat offender. I wanted to disappear.
I Tried To Impress My Crush, And Here’s Why I Can Never Go Back To That Restaura